Nothing haunts us like the things we don’t say….

Wasn’t looking for somebody when you looked my way…’ 

Strange how this lyric pops into my head whenever I think of you. It is true. I wasn’t looking… for anything at all. Just content being. It was a strange night, filled with laughter and no expectations and fun.

Before I knew it we were sneaking to the pool, grabbing a chair to collapse into and watch the sunrise. Surreal.

You have such sadness in your eyes, yet you smile and pretend everything is dandy. Always in a cheerful mood. Always responsive, never judgmental. What are you doing to me? My chest closes up every time I think of you. Feelings I thought had died long ago are coming back slowly. It is all so alien. So new. I don’t like it.

Feelings like these are reserved for those that reciprocate. Those who will be there. You aren’t and we both know this. We are both drowning in this almost -thing. It needs to end and become a nothing. Stop calling me just because. Stop initiating contact just because. Stop being this kind, gentle and laid-back guy. You are exactly what I need and can’t have…

Why does the universe play these games always.


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